A journal for "Azure".

azureshock @ 2008-01-03T09:30:00

2008-01-03T15:31:42Z

i have determined that the people who are currently still active on livejournal are no longer the people i want to talk to about things i would normally write in livejournal.

screw this site, i'm out! :D

/proceeds to change password to something i'll never remember.

azureshock @ 2007-12-21T02:43:00

2007-12-21T08:43:56Z

Baka!

azureshock @ 2007-12-17T04:38:00

2007-12-17T10:39:34Z

i'll tell you a secret.

i'm actually really lonely. (note- that doesn't mean i want to be touched. i don't.)

azureshock @ 2007-12-12T13:51:00

2007-12-12T19:54:06Z

apperantly, only three people on my friend list still make livejournal entries! :D

waiting for foodz to kick into brainz for teh writingz of teh englishh paperz. ohz yeahz. i'mz gonner passif mah lyfe depands un if. :D

life - no new status reports.

additionally, i'm considering the merits of doing a two new people advertisement type entries, even though neither of them uses livejournal. =(

oh well. maybe later.

azureshock @ 2007-12-03T02:49:00

2007-12-03T09:33:11Z

summary!

still a lost cause in the romance department. <3
pwncore is working it's way into my brain in a very obsessive way. this is oddly enough going to be a very serious motivation in my school work! :D
the homefront is financially issue-y, but oddly peaceful today. {|hmmm.|}
ramuh = pwned.
meow! :D

also, this song has really awesome lyrics, so i'm posting them.

"Inner Strength"

Here we sit all alone in an outnumbered fight
Led to decipher between wrong and right
And some may fail at this joke that some of
Us call life
Yes at this game that some call life

[Chorus:]
But the system can't bail me out of hell
I've made this discovery and it has helped
All I got is myself, I have faith in that
Believe and one day you'll do just as well now

As you were you little puppet you pauper you
Freak that's right
That's what some of them have said to me
So I object and try to figure things out for myself
I'm building up full emotional wealth

But the system can't bail me out of hell
I've made this discovery and it has helped
All I got is myself, I have faith in that
Believe and one day maybe you'll do just as well now

[x4]
The inner strength is what the hate; it wants us not to feel

it's time that we helped there's no room to fail
you already know the way out of hell
all we got is ourselves i have faith in that
believe and one day
we'll put the system in jail, we'll put the system in jail
we'll put the system in jail, we'll put the system in jail

i made it through scraped black and blue but so can you
i made it through so black and blue but you can too
i made it through scraped black and blue but so can you
i've made it through
we'll all make it through (x3)

azureshock @ 2007-11-17T19:24:00

2007-11-18T01:25:33Z

Seb is officially cool.

AZURE SEAL OF APPROVAL! :O

azureshock @ 2007-11-13T23:46:00

2007-11-14T05:49:02Z

I was listening to an old song on my computer tonight. it is a song i got a long time ago, and brought back sad memories.

but, i decided to make the song new again. i don't really know where the idea came from, but i just thought "this song doesn't deserve the kind of reaction i give it."

perhaps it's a philosophy i can apply to other things as well.

additionally, i am poor. pity me. :D

Addendum: something short, teaser-ish and a cool concept. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y0USVxX14w (is anime. watch it anyways, sam.)

definatly not what's on my mind.

2007-10-21T08:23:38Z

I feel as though...

well, there was a time when i posted things in livejournal. things that bothered me.
that troubled me.

things of a serious nature.

i used to post things here, with the hope that my friends (because of course who else would see it but someone who was my friend?) would offer some insight to me. something constructive to help me see things from another side.

something to help, or just something interesting. anything positive would be fine.

but long before now, life showed me that was not possible. long before now, i was attacked for the things i wrote. accused, terrorized, and betrayed. and, inadvertently, i also accused, terrorized, and betrayed.

to prevent further incidents of this nature, i began to write more and more cryptically. i had to find ways to phrase things so that nobody could understand it and still feel as though i was sending a message.

but that was even worse. i was confronted for these messages: and i never got constructive input that way.

It is as one who tries to dress a wound, but ends up getting it infected for their efforts. That is how i think of Livejournal right now. It symbolizes every good intention that was ever crushed under the wrath of -people-.

honestly, this is all ancient history. it just takes me a while to put things to words sometimes.
i guess i am in a bad mood tonight.

sorry, LJ.

if i can't clear my mind soon, somehow, i'll never get my assignments done on time. -.-'

azureshock @ 2007-10-12T14:46:00

2007-10-12T19:46:27Z

Ladies and gentlemen, the drama has LEVELED UP! =O

ph33r. more to come in a serious post later.

or now. depends on the next ten minutes.

azureshock @ 2007-10-04T23:29:00

2007-10-05T04:30:05Z

it's time to go back to not having enough time for LIVING. yeeesssss. gotta love college~

additionally, i'm approaching a point of exhausting my emotional energy completely. if this occurs, someone will likely be stabbed.

a moment of uncharacteristic openness

2007-09-29T08:11:53Z

it's kinda funny to me, that others regard me as being good with words. I think that if i were sooo good with words, i'd be able to describe the way that i feel. i would be able to explain why i feel this way. i would be able to make clear just what exactly i'd like to change about things, to make this feeling into something better. but i can't, so this one goes on hold for a bit.

in other news, i finally caught up with fei fei a few weeks ago, and i had a lot of fun talking to her. if only she didn't live in england~ (never mind that she's seeing someone right now ''>.> ) soo faar! :P

i tried to give margo a call a few weeks ago, and left a message that was truly an embarrassment to myself. i suppose it would be a lot better if i just replied to her e-mail instead of dancing around for months and months and months and months~ yay awkwardness in my brain!

i guess more and more i feel like i need a listener for recent events, someone so completely removed from the situation that 1) they could never affect events and 2) would be objective in their judgment of events. i think that she's a good candidate for these things :P

additionally, a discussion about "closure" in general took place tonight, and i thought i'd share my thoughts on it. Closure, as the concept of being at peace with someone or something, is something that each of us that talked on it lacked in some way. Parents that passed away, relationships gone wrong, or perhaps something more simple, really ~ these things can leave a mark on you, a mark that can last long after you've forgotten the real reason you feel depressed in the first place. a mark such as this has all the potential for ruining someone's taste for life.

one of us from this discussion continues to be depressed. that person constantly feels threatened in one way or another, and constantly tries to validate their actions and opinions with the actions and opinions of others. It's strange for me to see this happening in someone else, when just a bit over a year ago i was doing the exact same thing. x-x'

the other from our three seems (i can't be sure) to drown the sensation that is a lack of closure by focusing on the events of day to day life. by focusing all your energy on the tasks that lie before you, it is very possible to operate as though nothing is wrong at all. This works just fine... until you no longer have a task to focus on. then the sensations that someone who was trying this was trying to avoid come back. one lies in the darkness of night, waiting for sleep to come, feeling miserable and not knowing why. this, at least, was also something that i tried, and it is, if nothing else, how i felt during that time.

but i do neither of these things now. none of the situations that held me back before are really fixed, but they also arn't immediate. i don't live with any of my really big emotional problems right in front of me. I suppose you could say that i'm avoiding my problems, but i don't feel that way. rather, i simply feel as though the time to confront them isn't here yet. it's not that i don't feel ready, i just don't find circumstances to be favorable to that conflict as of this time.

it's a switch for me. i never used to have a sense of confidance, and i don't really know where it came from. but there it is~

none of those things really -matter- when it comes to actually obtaining closure, however. Closure is something that i think is purely subjective, that is to say, it's up to each individual person to reach that state on their own. Things don't have to be fixed, you just have to be able to look at a situation and say that you've done everything you reasonably can. it's up to each individual, at that point, to cut losses and not feel so put down on anymore. because that's what closure is - accepting a situation as it is.

in conclusion, i don't advise closure on the whole, as it sounds too much like surrender to me, but if it's something that must be had, then a great deal of attaining closure can be gained simply by your own perspective. it's something that you choose, albeit in an emotional way.

azureshock @ 2007-09-21T07:56:00

2007-09-21T12:59:31Z

i guess i havn't written in a while, but my situation hasn't changed much. my quarter ended yesterday, i'll probably be moving trevyn over to remora (on FFXI) later today, i still live with jess and we are still not in a relationship :P

mostly i've been asking myself, "why do i always seem to end up being most attracted to girls that are already in relationships?" It's seriously not cool. ~.~

gotta keep to the standards of chivalry, or something.

life madness, phase 1

2007-09-13T02:37:53Z

today, someone shot a little spark onto a hope of mine that had previously been written off as impossible.

sad thing, hope, sometimes. especially when all logical faculties tell you there's no chance. =P

azureshock @ 2007-08-31T16:02:00

2007-08-31T21:08:29Z

status - no longer going out with jess, just got a tetanus/diptheria shot which has been making me dizzy, so i'm sitting at home instead of doing some stuff at school like i could be.

i have work in two hours. i miss people.

i feel like i'm the one that kicked the puppy. like i don't really know what i'm doing anymore. i take stock of myself and every thing is a mess.

i feel guilty, but i also think that this is what is best for -both- of us. It just hasn't been the way a relationship should be. I'm sorry though.

i suppose that some people would call this just more drama from me. those people can stop reading my journal. 'nuff said on that.

azureshock @ 2007-08-28T18:37:00

2007-08-28T23:37:12Z

the voices in my head tell me conflicting things! :D

azureshock @ 2007-08-23T22:05:00

2007-08-24T03:05:49Z

http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h76/Kefka691/Smashbrawl-2.png

BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY. (yes, this isn't real. PLEASE don't think it is.)

azureshock @ 2007-08-20T22:46:00

2007-08-21T03:47:13Z

mouth orgasm.

not orgasm in the mouth, but the mouth experiancing the most awesome awesome tastes of all awesome time.

more to come in complete storied detail later (assuming i don't forget) :3

azureshock @ 2007-08-15T13:58:00

2007-08-15T19:02:57Z

i came across this because of a post by SageofHalo, but i thought i'd write a bit and share anyways...

AURAS WEEE

firstly, aura color meanings as per http://www.reiki-for-holistic-health.com/auracolormeanings.html

AURA COLOR MEANINGS

RED AURA COLOR: Relates to the physical body, hart or circulation. The densest color, it creates the most friction. Friction attracts or repels; money worries or obsessions; anger or unforgiveness; anxiety or nervousness

Deep Red: Grounded, realistic, active, strong will-power, survival-oriented.

Muddied red: Anger (repelling)

Clear red: Powerful, energetic, competitive, sexual, passionate

Pink-bright and light: Loving, tender, sensitive, sensual, artistic, affection, purity, compassion; new or revieved romantic relationship. Can indicate clairaudience.

Dark and murky pink: Immature and/or dishonest nature

Orange Red: Confidence, creative power

In a good, bright and pure state, red energy can serve as a healthy ego.

ORANGE AURA COLOR: Relates to reproductive organs and emotions. The color of vitality, vigor, good health and excitement. Lots of energy and stamina, creative, productive, adventurous, courageous, outgoing social nature; currently experiencing stress related to apetites and addictions;

Orange-Yellow: Creative, intelligent, detail oriented, perfectionist, scientific.

YELLOW AURA COLOR: Relates to the spleen and life energy. It is the color of awakening, inspiration, intelligence and action shared, creative, playful, optimistic, easy-going.

Light or pale yellow: Emerging psychic and spiritual awareness; optimism and hopefulness; positive excitement about new ideas.

Bright lemon-yellow: Struggling to maintain power and control in a personal or business relationship; fear of losing control, prestige, respect, and/or power.

Clear gold metallic, shiny and bright: Spiritual energy and power activated and awakened; an inspired person.

Dark brownish yellow or gold: A student, or one who is straining at studying; overly analitical to the point of feeling fatigued or stressed; trying to make up for "lost time" by learning everything all at once.

GREEN AURA COLOR: Relates to heart and lungs. It is a very comfortable, healthy color of nature. When seen in the aura this usually represents growth and balance, and most of all, something that leads to change. Love of people, animals, nature; teacher; social

Bright emerald green: A healer, also a love-centered person

Yellow-Green: Creative with heart, communicative

Dark or muddy forest green: Jealousy, resentment, feeling like a victim of the world; blaming self or others; insecurity and low self-esteem; lack of understanding personal responsibility; sensitive to perceived criticism

Turquoise: Relates to the immune system. Sensitive, compassionate, healer, therapist.

BLU AURA COLOR: Relates to the throat, thyroid. Cool, calm, and collected. Caring, loving, love to help others, sensitive, intuitive.

Soft blue: Peacefulness, clarity and communication; truthful; intuitive

Bright royal blue: Clairvoyant; highly spiritual nature; generous; on the right path; new opportunities are coming

Dark or muddy blue: Fear of the future; fear of self-expression; fear of facing or speaking the truth

INDIGO AURA COLOR: Relates to the third eye, visual and pituitary gland. Intuitive, sensitive, deep feeling.

VIOLET AURA COLOR: Relates to crown, pineal gland and nervous system. The most sensitive and wisest of colors. This is the intuitive color in the aura, and reveals psychic power of attunement with self. Intuitive, visionary, futuristic, idealistic, artistic, magical.

LAVENDER AURA COLOR: Imagination, visionary, daydreamer, etheric.

SILVER AURA COLOR: This is the color of abundance, both spiritual and physical. Lots of bright silver can reflect to plenty of money, and/or awakening of the cosmic mind.

Bright metallic silver: Receptive to new ideas; intuitive; nurturing

Dark and muddy gray: Residue of fear is accumulating in the body, with a potential for health problems, especially if gray clusters seen in specific areas of the body

GOLD AURA COLOR: The color of enlightenment and divine protection. When seen within the aura, it says that the person is being guided by their highest good. It is divine guidance. Protection, wisdom, inner knowledge, spiritual mind, intuitive thinker.

BLACK AURA COLOR: Draws or pulls energy to it and in so doing, transforms it. It captures light and consumes it. Usually indicates long-term unforgiveness (toward others or another) collected in a specific area of the body, which can lead to health problems; also, entitities within a person's aura, chakras, or body; past life hurts; unreleased grief from abortions if it appears in the ovaries

WHITE AURA COLOR: Reflects other energy. A pure state of light. Often represents a new, not yet designated energy in the aura. Spiritual, etheric and non-physical qualities, transcendent, higher dimensions. Purity and truth; angelic qualities.

White sparkles or flashes of white light: angels are nearby; can indicate that the person is pregnant or will be soon

EARTH AURA COLORS: Soil, wood, mineral, plant. These colors display a love of the Earth, of being grounded and is seen in those who live and work on the outdoors....construction, farming, etc. These colors are important and are a good sign.

RAINBOWS: Rainbow-colored stripes, sticking out like sunbeams from the hand, head or body: A Reiki healer, or a starperson (someone who is in the first incarnation on Earth)

PASTELS: A sensitive blend of light and color, more so than basic colors. Shows sensitivity and a need for serenity.

DIRTY BROWN OVERLAY: Holding on to energies. Insecurity.

DIRTY GRAY OVERLY: Blocking energies. Guardedness.

*****

i've read in some places that you can try to see the color of your aura by placing your hand up against a completely white surface and focusing on the space, the line if you will, where your hand meets the white surface.

also, i was told once by someone, a long time ago, that they thought of the color yellow when they saw me, and was surprised to hear my favorite color was blue. she said she thought it might be the color of my aura, which was the first time i ever heard of an aura having a color.

lawl religion

2007-08-12T05:59:47Z

You scored as Hinduism, You scored as Hinduism. Your views are most similar to those of... Hinduism! Do some research on Hinduism and possibly consider becoming Hindu, if

you aren't already.

With its origins in the Vedic civilization it has no known founder, being itself a conglomerate of diverse beliefs and

traditions. It is the world's oldest extant religion, and has approximately a billion adherents, of whom about 905 million

live in India and Nepal, placing it as the world's third largest religion after Christianity and Islam. Other countries with

large Hindu populations include Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Indonesia, Malaysia, Fiji, Suriname, Guyana and Trinidad and Tobago.
Hinduism contains a vast body of scriptures. Divided as revealed and remembered and developed over millennia, these

scriptures expound on a broad of range of theology, philosophy and mythology, providing spiritual insights and guidance on

the practice of dharma (religious living). Among such texts, Hindus consider the Vedas and the Upanishads as being among the

foremost in authority, importance and antiquity. Other major scriptures include the Tantras and the sectarian Agamas, the

Purāṇas and the epic Mahābhārata and Rāmāyaṇa. The Bhagavad Gītā, a treatise excerpted from the Mahābhārata, is sometimes

called a summary of the spiritual teachings of the Vedas.

Satanism

60%

Hinduism

60%

Islam

60%

Agnosticism

60%

Confucianism

55%

Paganism

55%

Buddhism

50%

Christianity

45%

Judaism

45%

Haruhism

35%

Atheism

15%

Which is the right religion for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

azureshock @ 2007-08-10T15:12:00

2007-08-10T20:20:15Z

previous post was proven WRONG WRONG YAY WRONG YAYA AYAYA.

note - this is one of the few times you'll see me esctatic that i was wrong. :D

also, this was fun for me to do on a forum i recently started posting on, so i thought i'd share.

IF I WERE A NOTORIOUS MONSTER, I'D BE~

Name: Trevyn the Astrophilosopher
Job: Summoner
Race: Hume
Crystal: Light
Weak to: Dark
Location: Randomly spawns in dungeons and areas with higher level mobs then him.
Located: Constantly moves around looking for coffers, NMs, and exp parties.
Behavior for Trevyn the Astrophilosopher:

*Aggressive to magic, gil, and godofwar (for stealin our camp ;O )
*Links with Aurai the Wanna-be Fox and SageofHalo of the Holy Cause
*makes lewd comments if engaged in a fight while linked with Aurai the Wanna-be Fox

Title Obtained (from defeating): Self-Proclaimed Master of Everything
Comments for Trevyn the Astrophilosopher:

*has about 600 hp
*uses Astral Flow when hp goes under 25%, otherwise will summon and attack with carbuncle if alone, garuda if linked with Aurai the Wanna-be Fox, Ramuh if linked with SageofHalo of the Holy Cause, or if linked with both, avatar is chosen at random.
*killable by anything that doesn't die in one hit to astral flow.
*immune to light-based spells and apathy.
*weak to dark, emo, spelling, and intelligent conversation.

Dropped from Trevyn the Astrophilosopher:

*1-3 gil
*light crystal
*worn out, dirty carbuncle mittens
*wind spirit pact
*pebble
*a pair of your mom's panties

Stolen from Trevyn the Astrophilosopher:

*1-3 gil
*an iron arrow
*Lizard skin
*Sarujisanmajori (GK level 1, dmg 7, delay 450)
*a pair of you dad's panties

azureshock @ 2007-08-10T12:00:00

2007-08-10T17:00:55Z

I've probably just fucked myself out of employment that i pretty much had in the bag. ggaah.

what's wrong with this picture?

2007-08-08T03:43:03Z

Sazis Dae'Almus   Rogue 1

STR : 10                                                            HP: 2
DEX : 16                                                            AC: 17
CON: 3
INT : 14
WIS : 12
CHA: 13

Shortbow - (within 30 feet) AT +4 or +2/+2 ; (beyond 30 feet) AT+3 or +1/+1         DMG: 1d6         CRIT: x2

etc.

:D

azureshock @ 2007-08-05T17:13:00

2007-08-05T22:14:02Z

i hereby declare that livejournal is officially full of stupid. 'nuff said.

azureshock @ 2007-08-03T20:12:00

2007-08-04T01:12:57Z

so, i'm trying to defend my friend without attacking anyone in the process.

that is my intent, and in advance, if i do offend i apologize.

also, i find it entertaining that a few days prior to the thread becoming a massive warscene, i was reminiscing about the really long threads we used to sometimes generate on livejournal. :D

lawl@me

2007-08-01T18:04:09Z